Embry Call: Master Of Excuses
by stonecoldheart27
Summary: Embry Call has a lot to make excuses about and being a wolf isn't the main one. When Lisa moves next door there are suddenly many more he can use.
1. Chapter 1

**Gay, Grass cuter**

"Embry stop slacking and mow the lawn like I asked you!" Mom shouted through the window. I am way to tired for this but I have to keep up appearances. It's not like she knew I was on patrol last night and transformed into a big wolf to run out the leeches. Not like I have to creep in every morning and creep out every night to protect her.

"Alright I'm doing it." I mumbled to myself. Damn it I swear this woman rules my life. Its either house chores or working at the store. And if it's not that it's Sam on my back making me do patrols. If only I could just tell my mom what I am but oh no I'm not allowed. Damn rules.

"I don't hear any mowing." She shouted again.

"IM DOING IT!" God. I started up the lawn mower and began to do my chores. If I didn't she would only be out her asking why I wasn't doing it. Or why I was so tired all the time? The amount of times I have had to lie to her. I reckon I could fill a book with them.

Feel a bit sorry for our new neighbours having to live next to us. I mean I'm usually quiet and keep to myself but my mom. Absolutely nuts. She's loud, demanding and well a pain in my ass most of the time. I looked up from my mowing to catch Quill mooning me out of his bedroom window. Yes my weirdo best friend who imprints on toddlers lives opposite me and yes he is still a child. I stopped mowing to throw a stone at his window when mom caught me.

"What are you doing? You've only done this little bit. Why are you holding that stone? What are you going to do with that?" I rose an eyebrow up to my mom and her question time. It was like she didn't trust me.

"The stone was in front of the mower. I thought it best to pick it up and not jam the thing." Oh yeah I'm getting fluent with these excuses or lies… I prefer to call them excuses doesn't make me feel so bad.

"Hmm well….stop getting distracted I saw Quill mooning at you." What the hell? Is she like stalking me now.

"Yes mom. Fine." I started the engine up again and began to do my chores. Damn Quill, damn mom.

Man cutting grass is boring. Why don't we just let it grow? I mean way more fun then I think. What if the grass reached the height of a tree? Wonder if that has ever happened before? Maybe lions or tigers would then start living in La Push to like lurk in the grass and they could kill the leeches for us. Actually they would probably attract more leeches as they are something to hunt. Damn the food chain.

"You seem to be thinking hard." Was the amused voice.

"Huh?" I looked up expecting it to be either Quill coming to mock me or Emily coming by to visit mom. But no, it was some one way more interesting than the both of them put together.

"I said it looks like your thinking rather hard." that voice was so sweet so gentle. How could no one want to hear that all day long. It was like she had been drinking honey all her life and the smoothest sound of all was coming out her mouth.

"I.. umm.. I was…" I stuttered still amazed by this beautiful girl in front of me. She had a rather funny style though, leg warmers, baggy jumpers… it was like she had jumped out some old 80's music video my mom loves to watch. She has pale skin too.. Meant she was a native…. Fork's I bet. That's where most come from or Seattle because if she was from Forks I would have seen her or recognised her and I didn't.

"You umm… umm .. What?" She giggled at me. Great I'm making myself look like a right fool. This is not going well Embry.

"I was debating how to…. How too… I like your pipe." Good diversion there Embry.

"Oh… nice diversion." She caught me… nooo. "But thank you. Used to be my gran-dad's."

"Do you smoke then?" I do, but I don't tell my mum that. I say the smoke smell is from Jarred smoking on me but the funny thing is he wouldn't touch a cig with a pole. Kim would kill him if she found out.

"What no I but bubble mix in this baby watch." So I did. I watched as she brought it to her soft looking bright red lips and blew on one end. Damn teenage boy hormones. From the other end bubbles started to emerge and float up into the sky.

"Well… don't quite no what to say."

"What do you mean you don't know what to say? Bubbles hello, everyone loves bubbles." I wasn't even listening to her anymore I'll be honest… I was to busy looking at those silver eyes with that unruly curly blonde hair. She was so amazing. I had imprinted on one of the hottest girls to roam the planet. Wonder what her name is? Bet she has a pretty name like Daisy or Rose. Why do people always think pretty is like a flower? I don't get that. "Are you even listening to me?"

"Huh." I blinked.

"Take that as a no, you are a very strange but handsome boy."

"Oh handsome am I?" I winked.

"Don't you get any ideas or I'll retract that statement."

"Okay."

"HEY CHICK! GIVE UP ON HIM HE'S GAY!" Quill shouted out his bedroom window. Should have known he would have been watching and listening knowing him. I never have any privacy.

"QUILL SHUT UP!"

"I LOVE YOU TOO BABY."

"Oh is he your boyfriend?" She grinned as she waved at him. "HELLO QUILL!"

"What no I'm straight." I do not want her thinking I am gay, especially gay for Quill that's just so wrong. Although I am going to kick his ass, he deserves that much out of life.

"HE'S IN DENIAL OF OUR LOVE!"

"QUILL SHUT UP!"

"You shouldn't be in denial I think you make a cute couple."

"HEAR THAT EMBRY CUTE." Oh he is so, so, so dead.

"No seriously I'm not gay. He's my idiot best friend."

"That what they call it these days." She cant seriously believe him. I mean it's Quill he's full of shit. I'm gonna beat him to a pulp the minute she's gone. Oh no she's gonna go. What if I never see her again? "Well I should go, got things to do."

"Yeah I guess so."

"But hello new neighbour." She grinned before skipping down the path of the now sold house next to mine. My neighbour is my imprint. This is going to be amazing. I watched her grab a box from the van and then head inside. Oh yeah… but I didn't even know her name. Why did I not ask that? It makes sense to ask those type of questions.

"So… imprint huh?" Quill chuckled next to me. "Shame she thinks your gay."

"You are so…"

"EMBRY I CANT HEAR ANY MOWING!" Damn mother such bad timing.

"IM DOING IT!" I turned the lawn mower on and hit Quill round the head. "I'm gonna get you later." I had patrol with him and I'll be damned if I make it enjoyable for him.

"Sure thing darling see you later." He winked before skipping off down the road to probably tell everyone what had just happened. Oh a wolfs life so on show yet so secretive.

* * *

**Authors Note:**

**Again another imprint story. This time with Embry. These things are fun to write I'm telling you. Shame we don't know too much about his imprint yet hey ;) All credit for his imprint does go to PepperX though so you can thank her. She's going to be one hell of an imprint let me tell you. Well laters**

**Stonecoldheart27**


	2. Perving and Persistent Moms

**Perving and Persistent Moms. **

Okay I'm not normally that pervy, in fact I'm normally known for being one of the reserved ones in the pack. But oh my god the newbie next door was just too appealing to look at. Plus you know what horney guys are like and I'm a horney wolf man so I think that's a good enough excuse as any, that I am currently straining my neck out my bedroom window to check out my neighbour who was currently sunbathing in the rain! Yes, sunbathing in the rain. No normal person would strip to a bikini in the dull rain of La Push and sunbathe but my girl, man she could make anyone do it. She had her head phones in and was singing rather badly along to Wham. Now Wham used to remind me of my mum and her obsession with George Michael, now all it made me think of was my luscious 80's fan girl neighbour, in a bikini in the rain.

"Embry Call what are you doing?" My mother shrieked behind me, startling me so much that in my effort to hide what I was looking at I bashed my head rather hard on the window pane.

"Owww!" I rubbed my forehead. If I get a bump, mommy's gonna get it. "Damn woman! Did you clearly not see the poster on my door saying keep out?"

"I thought that didn't apply to me seeing as I own this house, I spent 6 hours in labour giving birth to you and I let you live here for nothing when you are twenty three years of age." It was always the same speech, every single time.

"Yes well… what if I had a girl round?" Now it's always going to be a hit to the ego when your mom burst into fits of laughter when you mention you have a girl round.

"Oh Embry you do make me laugh some times. Now clean this room." One minute she's laughing, then the next minute orders. She started kicking my discarded clothes on the floor into a pile and scrunched her nose up at the half eaten sandwich on my floor. "This is how I knew there was no girl round."

"Gee thanks mom."

"Well live like a slob, you become a slob Embry and no girl wants to be with a slob. Tell you who you should be like… that friend of yours… Paul handsome young fellow him." I swear all the moms had a thing for Paul, little did she know that he was La Push's number one man whore and still unable to settle down.

"Think I would rather boil my eyeballs."

"Now why would you do that… clean this mess I won't tell you again." And with that she was gone. Mothers… seriously who needs them. All mine does is make me clean, cut grass and work at the shop. I looked at the pile of clothes and decided it best to ignore it and resume with… not perving but observing the beauty that lay next door.

SHE WAS GONE! Great my mother distracts me and now I have nothing to look at. Bloody mothers. I groaned dragging my hand over my face and checked the time. Suppose its best she vanished anyway as I have to go to Sam's in fifteen minutes. I grabbed the pile of dirty washing, shoved it in my already overloaded laundry basket and quickly swiped up the half eaten sandwich taking a sniff of it to check it was still edible. In my books it was safe so I finished it off and grabbed a clean T- shirt as I vacated the house. A wold whistle sounded and I stopped in my tracks to see who had clearly liked what they had seen.

"Up hear topless!" My head darted to my next door neighbours house and the second window along where my beauty was stood watching my with a gleeful grin on her face. "If you carry on walking around half naked neighbour I may have to pounce." My dreams come true! So instead of acting like… well a normal human being back… I became a babbling mess as per usual.

"You urghh… pounce… huh… me." Well done Embry you thoroughly look like a dickhead.

"Yes. You." She laughed. Oh that laughter, if only I could hear it every day. "Have you got a speech impediment, or a stutter or something?"

"Me? Urmm.. n.. no." She raised one of her thin blonde eyebrows at me.

"Aree… urghhh .. you s- sure?" She's making fun of me but I don't care. At least she's talking to me. I cleared my throat and decided now I could talk like a gentleman.

"Well my speech only becomes affected when talking to a beautiful lady such as you."

"Please tell me that was not a chat up line… because that was lame and quite the turn off." Shit. She was going to be a hard imprint to crack.

"In doesn't have to of been a chat up line if you don't want it to of been one." She seemed amused by that.

"I think it's best we both erase that from our memories hey." Phew! Least she's still talking to me. "Where you off too then hey? You're always running in and out your house half naked I've noted." She's been checking me out; she's a perv like me. My grin continued to grow.

"Ohhh im in… a… pack…of strippers." Why in hell did I say that?

"Strippers hey? Well maybe one day I and my friends could come and watch." Shittttt… now what will I do?

"Maybe." I checked my watch one last time and grimaced. I was supposed to be at Sam's five minutes ago now.

"Go on handsome, you should go see your friends and get naked. " I let out a loud chuckle myself.

"Okay but only because you told me to." I turned away knowing full well she was watching me and wiggled my ass that little bit more.

"SHAKE THAT THANG!" Oh I am going to enjoy living next to my beauty.


End file.
